


You Light My Night

by eopseo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, But really mostly fluffy, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 09:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15433695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eopseo/pseuds/eopseo
Summary: Taeyong should have known better than to sneak out of the dorm alone in the dead of winter. But here he is. In the studio at 3 AM, completely snowed in.





	You Light My Night

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfic on here, so any feedback is welcome. I wrote this on a whim to just experiment, and kept it as a one shot, although I’m really not sure about how well the pacing is done or any of this actually. Hopefully it isn’t awful. It honestly is kind of a buttload of fluff, but warning: there are mentions of panic attacks, hyperventilating, and phobias.

Taeyong mentally curses at himself as he stares out the window. 

This was a mistake. This entire escapade was a mistake. If only he had a shred of rational sense before he left the house, he would have realized that. But no, here he is. In the studio at 3 AM, completely snowed in. 

It’s not simply snow. It’s a severe blizzard, blasting icy snowflakes at the window with such force, Taeyong is afraid the glass will break and send an avalanche pouring through. In fact, he can barely see outside, the view obscured by a whirlwind of snowflakes. The wind howls and pounds the company building, its screeching similar to Taeyong’s internal screaming. 

Again, he checks the weather report on his phone, cringing at the little red battery in the corner. The prediction is for the blizzard to rage on for about four more hours and the snow to accumulate up to ninety centimeters. It’s been a while since Seoul has gotten a snow storm, especially one this intense, and it’s stirring up a huge deal on the Internet. 

God, he’s an idiot. Thinking it was a good idea to sneak out of the dorms in the middle of the night despite there being a warning for excessive snowfall. Well, he had no idea it would be this excessive. After having a writer’s block for about a week, an idea suddenly burst into his brain while tossing and turning restlessly in bed. At the time, putting his new beats into the working at the studio seemed like the best idea. 

And now, well...

The verdict is that Taeyong’s stuck inside for about four more hours, and even when the blizzard ends, he’ll have no idea if he can actually open the door if the snow piles up high, much less trek back to the dorms. 

The building is empty. Nobody knows he’s here. There’s no service or signal. 

Impossibly, the wind roars even louder. Then, with awful timing, his phone dies. A second later, the lights flicker out. 

A blackout. Of course. Out of all things, with his luck, of course the blizzard is so rigorous it’s causing a blackout. 

A blackout.

A blackout. 

Fuck. 

Pitched into pure darkness, Taeyong is consumed by the racket the storm is creating. The window screens shudder vigorously. The snow blows around viciously. Every single sound is amplified in the void of blackness. 

He sits still in his chair, staring at the blank computer screen connected to an outlet in a mesh of cords, the once glowing soundboard now dead, the phone in his hand useless. A full power outage, meaning that the heating system has stopped functioning. It’s as if he can feel the heat gradually ebbing away to leave him vulnerable to the cold. The only light that leaks through is the desaturated glow of the snow beating against the window, allowing a mere corner of the room to be illuminated. 

Slowly, Taeyong pulls his knees up to his chest like a small child, wrapping his arms around his legs. His heartbeat thuds against his lower thigh. Tilting his head back, he desperately gasps for breaths that are beginning to get harder to obtain. 

In, out. 

He wants to crawl into that little corner of light but his body is frozen. A chill is beginning to sink deep into his bones, from fear or the lack of central heating, he doesn’t know. Dull numbness spreads over his body, infecting his heart with apprehension. He clasps his phone in a vice-like grip. 

It’s dark, so dark. Empty. 

For a long moment, it’s just him and the haunted sounds of the blizzard clashing with civilization. Then the door creaks open. 

Taeyong’s panic shoots up to another level. 

Trapped in a building with a raging snowstorm outside, no electricity, and now an intruder. Inhaling and exhaling is a difficult task. Anxiety rushes through his veins and a cold sweat has broken out on his skin. His mind screams at him to get a self defense weapon or something, but his body doesn’t respond. Instead, he sits there like someone ready to become a victim. 

A footstep echoes through the room. Then another. And another. The person is walking in, towards him. Taeyong can’t even perceive a silhouette, it’s just a shadowy blur among other shadows. Too many shadows. He can’t do this. He’s going be murdered by this stranger in a dark room and the last thing he’ll ever see is blackness and-

“Taeyong hyung?” A soft voice speaks out. Familiar and warm. 

Jaehyun. 

Somehow, miraculously, Taeyong finds his voice, albeit shakily. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me. Jaehyunnie? Why are you here?” 

There’s a shuffling noise as Jaehyun presumably moves closer. Taeyong can barely make out the younger’s features in the pitch black, but he feels his presence and hears his voice and knows it’s him. “I left my sweatshirt in the practice room. Came in around midnight to get it, but I accidentally fell asleep on the floor.” A squeak of a swivel chair indicates the other boy groping for a seat. “You?” 

“I came in right before the blizzard started. Some new ideas just popped into my head.” Taeyong clears his throat. “Enough about me though, are you okay? When did you wake up? It’s not good for your back to sleep on the floor. Were you okay walking here, do you have a jacket?”

Taeyong knows his voice is getting hysterical as he gushes out the words. Something inside of him desperately pushes him to keep speaking, to be like a leader. Strong, caring, dependable. Not this mess of a person he became as soon as the lights were out. “Crap, if you woke up to the blizzard or the blackout that must have been awful. You should sleep some more. Hyung will just-”

“Your hands are shaking.” Out of nowhere, a bright white light is shown on his hands through a narrow beam. A phone flashlight. Finally, he can see Jaehyun’s face. Tired, but concerned. 

At last, a light he can utilize. Taeyong concentrates his eyes on the glowing beacon, trying to take deep, calming breaths. Dust dances along the gleaming beam. “Thank god you have a light,” he whispers, gripping his the arm rests on his chair so hard, his fingers begin to ache. 

“Do you want me to keep it on?”

“Please, yes.” 

They sit in silence as the blizzard wrecks the outside world. Jaehyun is quiet and ever so patient, waiting kindly with the knowledge that Taeyong needs a moment, even though Jaehyun doesn’t know what exactly is bothering Taeyong. The younger places the phone in between them so the beam shines on the ceiling, allowing the faint light to act as a lamp. Bit by bit, Taeyong’s panic eases away, the sound snow pelting the city becoming white noise in the background. 

Eventually, Taeyong musters up the strength to speak more. “Why did you come to the studio?” 

“I just had a feeling I should come.” From the dim luminescence, Taeyong can make out the gentlest smile on Jaehyun’s face. “Thought you would be here.” 

Taeyong hums softly. “It couldn’t have been safe though. Walking through darkness.”

“I had my phone flashlight. I just didn’t use it when I got close to the room to save battery.” 

Save battery. 

Taeyong’s heart plunges to his stomach at those words. “How much battery do you have left?” he rasps, suddenly terrified all over again. 

The trepidation is clear in his voice, and Jaehyun, perceptive, lovely Jaehyun quietly breaks it to him. “About 1 percent.” 

This can’t be happening. Two phones dying in one day, the day it’s extremely important to have a functional phone. One percent is not going to last the night. Just the thought of being thrown into murky darkness again sends dread coursing through Taeyong’s veins. Maybe he can’t persevere through this after all. 

“Hyung,” Jaehyun interrupts his thoughts. “There’s a couch here, remember? While we still have light, let’s get to the couch. It’ll be more comfortable.” 

Don’t you dare break, Taeyong, Taeyong thinks viciously to himself. Out loud, he replies, “Yeah, let’s do that.” 

Both of them get up, Jaehyun grabbing his phone and Taeyong grabbing Jaehyun’s arm. Cautiously, they make their way across the room. Jaehyun aims the flashlight ahead of them so the couch is a visible goal, and they ease themselves around obstacles together. Thankfully, the couch is closer to the window than the chairs, meaning it’s near the tiniest bit of light that’s a blessing compared to complete darkness. Jaehyun is a constant warmth by his side. After a few long, precarious moments of shuffling along, they make it to the couch. 

They settle down on the sofa. As if on cue, the flashlight flickers out. 

“Dead. I’m sorry, hyung,” Jaehyun murmurs, pocketing his phone. 

“Don’t be, don’t be. Mine is dead too.” Taeyong curls up on the couch, leaning his body against the comfy armrest. 

Jaehyun sits close to him, but not in the proximity to be touching him. Just close enough that Taeyong can hear Jaehyun’s breaths and try to match his inhales and exhales to the rhythm of Jaehyun’s breathing. Darkness is swallowing him up on all sides, so Taeyong focuses his attention on the window, no matter how feeble the glow is. He struggles to keep the overwhelming feeling of anxiety from rising up in his chest when he thinks about the looming shadows, tries to cease his trembling and panic. 

Breathe in through the nose, out through the lips. Repeat. 

After a while, Jaehyun asks the question that must have been bugging him ever since he found Taeyong sitting by himself in the gloom of the studio. 

“Are you afraid of the dark, hyung?” He says it kindly, without any oppressive judgment. Just pure curiosity and the want to understand. 

Taeyong’s breath hitches as he hears the inquiry. Confrontation about something he never wanted to bring up. A choking sensation grips his throat. The darkness feels all too imposing around him, leering at his fright like so many other people would do if they found out. 

But Jaehyun. Jaehyun would never judge him. That’s the thought that echoes in Taeyong’s mind as he summons the will to open up. 

“I used to collect nightlights,” is all he manages to get out at first. Tremors run through his voice, and his breathing is accelerating erratically. 

Slowly, Jaehyun takes his hand and squeezes it comfortingly, to reassure him that he’s there for him. His palm is warm and dry against Taeyong’s hand that is slick with sweat. The silence is an indicator that Jaehyun is waiting for him to tell him more. 

And so Taeyong does. 

“Growing up, I just could never sleep without a nightlight. Ever since I was a baby, it was just a thing. I would scream and cry and throw tantrums if my mom left me in my crib without a nightlight. So as I got older, my parents always kept a nightlight on in my room. And it was fine at first. Normal.”

Taeyong hesitates, but Jaehyun’s grip encourages him to keep going. 

“Then I hit middle school and I still couldn’t sleep without a nightlight, and that was when it became weird. Like, a 13 year old. Who’s scared of the dark. I just, I was so paranoid that someone from school would find out and bully me, but I was even more paranoid that I would lose my nightlight.”

“So I started collecting them. God, I gathered so many. I would keep all of them on overnight. Every time a friend would come over, I would hide them under the bed. I knew it was childish, and I thought it was so damn embarrassing, but I just couldn’t sleep without a nightlight. I couldn’t sleep with the lights on, but I couldn’t handle the dark. I needed those nightlights, and I knew that myself.”

The words pour, unstoppable, out of his mouth, relaying a secret Taeyong has never told anyone outside of his immediate family. It’s as if he’s vomiting out the story. 

“But people always say to face your fears, so I thought I could face mine. One night, I dumped all of my nightlights downstairs. My door locked from the outside, and I asked my sister to lock it for me. Basically, I locked myself in my room in the pitch black without any nightlights. And tried to sleep.”

His voice is beginning to break, but he pushes through. “I couldn’t.”

“I had multiple panic attacks and hyperventilated half of the night. The dark, I just couldn’t handle it. But I didn’t want to give up, so I just stayed there. I couldn’t breathe, I felt like I was suffocating, god, I was literally giving myself panic attacks by keeping myself in the dark.”

“The entire night was just full of anxiety. I didn’t sleep at all, just...shaking and sobbing. I cried so hard, I couldn’t go to school the next morning.” 

Taeyong attempts a weak smile even though he knows Jaehyun can’t see his face. 

“So yeah. It’s a phobia.” He quickly amends his statement. “It’s actually gotten better these past few years, I don’t get severe panic attacks. I don’t cry. It’s just...anxiety inducing.” 

A few moments of silence pass. They go on for such a seemingly perpetual amount of time, Taeyong thinks there might be the possibility that Jaehyun fell asleep during his long story. 

And then he speaks. 

“Oh, hyung,” is all Jaehyun says before he crushes Taeyong in a hug. 

It’s an awkward hug, Jaehyun’s arms squeezing his shoulders from a sideways angle, but it feels perfect all the same. 

“You didn’t have to bear all of that yourself,” Jaehyun says softly after he lets go of Taeyong.

Taeyong bites his lip. “No, I shouldn’t have dumped that on you. It’s kind of stupid. I’m sorry.” 

“But it’s important,” Jaehyun talks with the same rational tone he always uses. “That’s why you always sleep with the lamp on in hotel rooms, right? Or keep a flashlight on in your room when you sleep? Hyung, you really could have just bought a nightlight.” 

“It’s embarrassing,” Taeyong ducks his head. “I just want to be strong for the others.” 

“You’re already plenty strong for them. For me.” There’s an emphasis on the last word, although Jaehyun’s voice softens out. “You’re a good leader, Taeyongie hyung.” 

Taeyong tilts his head back, releasing a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“Thank you.” 

It feels relieving to get the confession off his chest, to open up about what has plagued him for years. And Jaehyun has verbalized what he’s been needing to hear since ages ago. 

Come to think of it, he doesn’t feel as terrified as he was before. Belatedly, he realizes his heart has stopped pounding and he isn’t shaking anymore. It’s as if Jaehyun’s words soothed his fear, subduing it. Taeyong feels...strangely calm. Even though it’s dark and his mind still rears at the thought of being trapped in a sea of black, the panic isn’t as alive as before. 

Maybe it’s Jaehyun’s reassuring that he’s doing fine as a leader. Maybe it’s Jaehyun’s touch. Or maybe it’s just Jaehyun as a whole. But the dark doesn’t seem as threatening. 

Taeyong cuddles closer to Jaehyun’s side instead of the armrest. 

“You know what, Jaehyunnie? I feel better now.” 

“Good.”

“Just stay by me, okay?” 

“M’kay.” 

Then, slowly and softly, Taeyong presses his lips against Jaehyun’s temple. 

They wait out the blizzard together. 

 

~~~

 

Later that week, when the whole blizzard fiasco has died down (which consisted of him and Jaehyun waiting in the building for hours on end, curling up next to each other for warmth, and a herd of incredibly worried members and managers), Taeyong finds a package sitting on his desk addressed to him. 

When he opens it, he finds the cutest, duck-shaped silicon nightlight sitting there. 

From Jaehyun, a note reads. 

“Aw, that’s adorable, Taeyongie,” Johnny comments as he peers at the nightlight from behind him. “We should use it in our room.” 

Taeyong makes sure to give Jaehyun an extra kiss that day.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried. Thanks for reading!


End file.
